“No, don’t you worry; these country jakes won’t ever think of that. Besides, you know, you’ll be in costume, and that makes all the difference in the world; Juliet’s in a balcony, enjoying the moonlight before she goes to bed, and she’s got on her night- gown and her ruffled nightcap. Here are the costumes for the parts.
- The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn By Mark Twain
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
-The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
"The building was on fire and it wasn't my fault."
- Blood Rites (The Dresden Files #6) by Jim Butcher
"There's a door," he whispered. "Where does it go?"
"It stays where it is, I think," said Rincewind.
- Faust Eric by Terry Pratchett
"To win back my youth, Gerald, there is nothing I wouldn't do- except take exercise, get up early, or be a useful member of the community."
- A Woman of No Importance by Oscar Wilde
"Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.
- Catchi-22 by Joseph Heller
"It wasn't a dark and stormy night. It should have been, but there's the weather for you. For every mad scientist who's had a convenient thunderstorm just on the night his Great Work is complete and lying on the slab, there have been dozens who've sat around aimlessly under the peaceful stars while Igor clocks up the overtime."
- Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
"To lose one parent may be regarded as misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."
– Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest
"You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do."
– David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest
"There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends."
– Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind."
– Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man
"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."
– Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping
“Erroh has a plan. A simple plan. It'll never work.”
― Robert J. Power, Spark City
"Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness."
— Letters from a Stoic by Seneca
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer."
— The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
"The trouble with modern education is you never know how ignorant people are."
— Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh